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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30046248">teenagers (scare the living shit out of me)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/providing_leverage/pseuds/providing_leverage'>providing_leverage</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Torchwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:13:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,646</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30046248</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/providing_leverage/pseuds/providing_leverage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m in love with you.” Jack says</p><p>Ianto laughs. “No you’re not.”</p><p>The non-liner love story of Jack Harkness and Ianto Jones</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Mentioned Ianto Jones/Lisa Hallett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>teenagers (scare the living shit out of me)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW for a kid with cancer. It's not Jack or Ianto and it isn't deviled into much but it's there.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m in love with you.” Jack says.</p><p> </p><p>Ianto laughs. “No you’re not.”</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>“Do you ever think it’s kind of weird that none of us ended up straight?” Owen asks one day over lunch. Tosh is with Mary so it’s just him, Jack, Gwen, and Ianto. “Jack was the only one out when we all became friends and now none of the five of us identify as cishet.”</p><p> </p><p>“What can I say, my gaydar can tell the future.” Jack says with a shrug over Ianto’s protest of “I'm straight!”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen snorts. “Ianto, you’re not straight.”</p><p> </p><p>The other boy’s shoulders slump. “I <em>could</em> be.”</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>Their friendship starts like this: It’s Ianto’s first day and Jack forgot a pencil. </p><p> </p><p>It also starts like this: Ianto is new and sitting alone at lunch, he just so happens to sit at the table that Jack claimed last year and he isn’t about to find a new one.</p><p> </p><p>And of course there’s this: “How are you in all of my classes? That’s completely improbable!” “I think this is what some call <em>fate</em>, Ianto Jones. We’re obviously meant to be together.”</p><p> </p><p>Owen is grumpy about it because he’s grumpy about everything and Suzie doesn't care because it’s her last year (it should have been Jack’s last year too but then he stopped doing his work) and Tosh is wonderful and welcoming. The corner closest to the door becomes Ianto’s seat and Jack changes his seat so that their legs press together sometimes and glares at Owen when he tries to bring it up.</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>Ianto cries for three days straight when Lisa breaks up with him. Jack knows this because his friend spends the whole long weekend at his house, crying in Jack’s bed.</p><p> </p><p>It’s been a long time coming because it wasn’t the healthiest relationship. It’s mutual and they agree to be friends still. Ianto still cries and Jack still wants to hit Lisa because he’s a feminist and that means he has no qualms about hitting women, espiecally when they break his friend’s heart. </p><p> </p><p>(Tosh says that’s not what being a feminist means. Jack ignores her.)</p><p> </p><p>“I am going to die alone.” Ianto sobs as he blows his nose into a tissue and this discards it in the rubbish can next to the bed that is nearly overflowing with only tissues. “I threw away my only chance at love because of what? A few little fights?”</p><p> </p><p>“Because of complete incompatibility.” Jack reminds him, handing Ianto another tissue and a water bottle. Some very small part of him is very pleased right now. He never gets to be the caretaker, that’s Ianto’s job. </p><p> </p><p>Ianto drinks half the bottle in two gulps. “Still.”</p><p> </p><p>Jack pats him on the back consolingly. Ianto inches closer to snuggle against Jack and again, a small horrible part of him has never been happier because he’s <em>missed</em> this. </p><p> </p><p>He’s always been a tactical person and Ianto has always...not been. Except for Jack. He always let Jack cuddle up to him. Or at least he had until Lisa came along and became his outlet for his touch starved ness. And Jack had felt weird about wrapping an arm around or holding hands with a guy who was seriously dating someone else.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not going to die alone.” Jack promises. “There are plenty of fish in the sea and all that.”</p><p> </p><p>Ianto huffs, breath warm against Jack’s arm. “Oh yeah, name one other person who has ever seen me in a romantic way.”</p><p> </p><p>His hand stills where it had been running through Ianto’s short hair. Should he? He shouldn’t. He’s going to. “Me.”</p><p> </p><p>Now it’s Ianto’s turn to freeze. “Don’t lie to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not a lie.” It’s really, really not. Jack swallows and reaches out to take back the bottle of water and take a sip. “Ask any of the others. Four, almost five months.”</p><p> </p><p><em>It was horrible</em>, he considers saying. But he can’t because it’s not true. Nothing about Ianto Jones could ever be horrible.</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>“Quit worrying, they’re going to love you.” Jack promises impatiently. </p><p> </p><p>They’re standing right outside his house, fresh from school. It’s been a month since they met and a combination of their perfectly aligned schedules and Jack’s persistence made them fast friends. </p><p> </p><p><em>Introverts don’t make friends. They meet and get adopted by extroverts.</em> It had applied to his friendship with Tosh and now it applies with Ianto. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure?” Ianto asks, biting his lip. He had really pretty lips, Jack notices. Soft looking.</p><p> </p><p>Before Jack can follow that train of thought or answer Ianto, the door is flung open and Gray flings himself into Jack’s arms, shrieking joyfully.</p><p> </p><p>“Jack!”</p><p> </p><p>“Gray!” his brother hugs him like they hadn’t seen each other just this morning. Jack returns the hug with equal ferocity because he can’t help it. </p><p> </p><p>Then his little brother slips from his grasp and bounces away to give Ianto the same treatment. Unfortunately the hug doesn't last long enough for Jack to dig his phone out of his pocket and take a picture of the startled look on Ianto’s face. </p><p> </p><p>“Ianto, this is my brother, Gray. Gray, this is my new friend Ianto.” He introduces them when Gray lets go.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nice to meet you.” Ianto says politely. “I like your hat.”</p><p> </p><p>Gray’s smile becomes somehow ever wider as he touches the red knitted hat covering his bald head. “Thank you! Jack made it for me! Maybe he’ll make you one too.”</p><p> </p><p>“So you knit?” Ianto asks once they’re finally in the house and nearly to Jack’s room. </p><p> </p><p>(His dad had stopped them in the kitchen and introduced himself to Ianto, promising him embarrassing stories of Jack and baby pictures, just say the word. Also let it slip that Jack “talks about you all the time, I feel like we’ve already met. How do you feel about spaghetti for dinner?”)</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up.” Jack demands even though he’s not at all embarrassed about it. He tosses his bag to the floor and falls dramatically onto his bed. “Uug. I could just fall asleep like this, right now. Is it Friday yet?”</p><p> </p><p>Ianto laughs and sets his own bag down much more gently at his feet. He’s in the room but only technically, lingering in the doorway. “It’s Tuesday, Jack. And we need to study for the maths test tomorrow, so no sleeping.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right. That’s why Ianto had come over. Studying. </p><p> </p><p>Jack sits up and gives him his most inviting smile. “Come on, the test isn’t until Thursday. My bed has room for two.”</p><p> </p><p>Ianto throws a pillow at him.</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>“I love you.” Jack says, when Ianto explains a maths problem he didn’t understand.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you.” Jack says when Ianto pulls out a chocolate bar from his bag and gives it to him.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you.” Jack says whenever he sees Ianto or one of them is about to leave or sometimes randomly in the middle of a conversation. </p><p> </p><p>“I love you.” Jack says to all of his friends and sometimes they reply in kind and eventually Ianto stops looking so startled by it and even responds in kind once and awhile. It makes Jack’s heart light up.</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>“I have a crush on Ianto.” Jack admits to Suzie and Owen while they’re waiting in line at the grocery store one day.</p><p> </p><p>For a second he thinks they’re going to take this seriously. Then Owen asks how long he’s felt this way, money exchanges hands, and Jack remembers these two are the assholes of the group. He should have told Tosh instead.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe you bet on my feelings!”</p><p> </p><p>“What? I was only a matter of time before you developed a crush on the new guy. Can’t blame a guy for wanting to make money off of it.” Owen says flippantly. </p><p> </p><p>It’s true Jack had spent various amounts of time crushing on every single one of his closest friends at some point, but it’s still rude.</p><p> </p><p>Tosh, the angel, is much nicer. She listens to Jack’s long rants about Ianto’s smile and kind heart and Jack bitching about Lisa Hallet, who was a year above them and Ianto had admitted to liking a couple months into the school year.</p><p> </p><p>The crush (Jack hates that word) on Ianto lasts longer than his typical crush. Eventually the feelings dwindle and die back down to normal friend feelings -meaning Jack still wouldn’t say no to snogging him but is no longer picking out his outfits while considering what Ianto will think about them- just in time for Ianto to finally ask Lisa out. </p><p> </p><p>It’s great timing because if he had to watch them cuddle up on the couch during movie night and still had romantic feelings for Ianto, Jack would probably have died of jealousy.</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>Gwen Cooper comes into their lives much the same way that Ianto had. </p><p> </p><p>She’s got several classes with all of them (unfortunately Jack and Ianto’s schedules do not perfectly line up again this year) but while Ianto had been adopted by them, Gwen barges in and just doesn't leave.</p><p> </p><p>She’s got an older boyfriend who she cares about but only gets to see on the weekends. Jack meets Rhys shortly after becoming friends with Gwen and is not much impressed. </p><p> </p><p>Of course, her having a boyfriend doesn't mean Jack is incapable of developing feelings for her, unfortunately. He thinks she might fancy him back just a bit but he’s not about to make a move on her first.</p><p> </p><p>Ianto and Tosh are the only ones he tells this time (well, Ianto figures it out himself. Where was this ability to read Jack the several months Jack was in love with him?) since Suzie is gone off to university and Owen is an arsehole with no regard for his friends feelings and would just mock him mercilessly, as usual. </p><p> </p><p>When Gwen and Owen start messing around, Jack tells himself that Owen is oblivious to how he feels about Gwen because the alternative is too painful to consider. Surely he’s not that much of an arsehole, right?</p><p> </p><p>“She’s such a little spitfire. Completely incapable of backing down and I never realized how attractive that was until now.” He lammants to Ianto one night.</p><p> </p><p>They’re having a sleepover, not that they call it a sleepover because they’re not preeteen girls, and it’s late enough to be early. The rest of the house has been asleep for hours but Ianto and Jack have just finished a Sherlock marathon.</p><p> </p><p>Jack rolls over to plug in his laptop and when he rightens himself, Ianto has sat up and is in the process of shrugging off his shirt. </p><p> </p><p>It’s so strange. When they’d first met, Ianto had been shy as a newborn calf. But as soon as he decided he was comfortable around Jack, anything went. Casual undressing, initiating contact, everything Jack himself was perfectly okay with but most people found unusual. </p><p> </p><p>(It had been utter hell but also pure heaven, those several months last year when he’d liked Ianto. The sight of Ianto’s bare chest still sends little shivers down his spine though.)</p><p> </p><p>“Have you ever considered, I don’t know, <em>telling </em>her how you feel?” Ianto asks once they’re settled comfortably in Jack’s bed, lights turned off, both wearing only shorts, warm bodies pressed up each other. </p><p> </p><p>Jack snorts. “She knows. At least...I think she knows? Honestly I’m not super subtle about my feelings when I have them. <em>Most</em> people catch on eventually, even when I’m trying to hide it.”</p><p> </p><p>Ianto reaches down and pinches Jack on the leg, pulling a little squeel out of him. Jack knows that if he turned on the light to check, Ianto’s cheeks would be red. “Shut up.”</p><p> </p><p>Because he can’t let things go, Jack shifts so that both his hands are on Ianto, running down his naked torso and Ianto inhales sharply-</p><p> </p><p>-and squeaks when Jack begins to tickle him.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a wonder they don’t wake anyone up in the ensuing tickle war and how loud they’re laughing. The others always got a bit awkward when the fact that Jack used to crush on them gets brought up but Ianto had loved it since the beginning. Maybe because he was the only one who found out after the fact.</p><p> </p><p>With Ianto, nothing was weird or awkward. It was just perfect.</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>“So what country are the flags for?” Ianto asks while they’re on a stretching and snack break from studying for the dreaded maths test. “I don’t recognize them.”</p><p> </p><p>Jack blinks at him in confusion, follows his line of sight, then bursts out laughing. He can’t help it.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Ianto’s pure confusion just makes him laugh harder.</p><p> </p><p>Jack’s mom, who Jack hadn’t heard get home, pokes her head into the room. “Everything okay in here?”</p><p> </p><p>He manages to calm himself enough to choke out a “Yeah, mom. We’re good.”</p><p> </p><p>She smiles at Ianto. “Hello, you must be Ianto. I’ve heard so much about you. Welcome to our home.”</p><p> </p><p>They exchange pleasantries, his mom looking thrilled to meet the person who convinced Jack to study maths, and Ianto looking shy and embarrassed.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’ll leave you to do your work. Dinner should be ready soon.”</p><p> </p><p>As soon as she’s gone, Ianto whirls on him, demanding “What is so funny?”</p><p> </p><p>This just sets Jack off again, much to his friend’s annoyance. </p><p> </p><p>“They-they’re not country flags, Ianto. They’re pride flags.”  </p><p> </p><p>“You can’t have three sexualities, Jack.” Ianto says.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, one of them is a gender thing. The other two are pansexual and omnisexual because there was a sale and I use either label anyway.” Jack explains.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” Ianto nods and if Jack has learned anything about him in the past month, he knows that Ianto is going to go home and learn everything the internet has to offer about those labels and flags and probably every other possible label and flag out there because that was the kind of person Ianto Jones was.</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>“Myfanway.” Jack says, hoping it’s correct. It’s not.</p><p> </p><p>“Myfanway.” Ianto says, enunciating more. </p><p> </p><p>They’ve been at this for almost ten minutes now, and Ianto’s pet bird is starting to look confused. It’s not a natural look for a bird.</p><p> </p><p>Jack tries again and this time is rewarded with a smile that makes it feel like a volcano has erupted in his chest. </p><p> </p><p>He’d said he needed a distraction and Toshiko had bloody well come through. Sometimes his friends were great.</p><p> </p><p>“So what do you want to do now?” Ianto asks once Myfanway has been put back in her cage.</p><p> </p><p>Jack shrugs. He’d never actually been to Ianto’s house before now since his house was bigger and closer to the school. Also his whole family adored Ianto and was constantly demanding he come over to be force fed giant meals (his dad thought Ianto was too skinny), play space invaders (Ianto was so good with Gray, even on his bad days), or get involved with increasingly weird projects (his mother was...creative. And a bit mad.)</p><p> </p><p>But tonight his house was empty, the other three members of his family hours away at a hospital in London. Jack had begged to go but his parents hadn’t wanted him to miss school. They’d been much stricter this year than last because of the getting held back thing. </p><p> </p><p>Tosh, when she’d realized Jack was planning on spending the weekend stewing in his giant empty house alone, had called Ianto and scored Jack an invite for tonight and offered her own house to crash at until his family returned. </p><p> </p><p>Ianto’s house isn’t much better than his when it comes to quietness, since his dad was still at work and his mom was in her bedroom. But it’s got Ianto so it’s a thousand times better than any alternative.</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>“Do you remember what Gwen said last week during lunch?” Ianto asks over pancakes at their favorite diner because pancakes were good for any time of day.</p><p> </p><p>“Gwen says a lot of things, you’re going to have to be more specific.” Jack replies, considering his syrup options. Maple was a classic but boisionberry was excellent.</p><p> </p><p>“About me not being straight.” Ianto says and Jack stops thinking about syrup because it was unimportant in the grand scheme of things. </p><p> </p><p>Taking a deep breath, Jack meets Ianto’s eyes over their breakfast-for-lunch. “I remember.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Please say you like boys</em>, Jack silently prays,<em> please confess your giant crush on me that matches mine on you because you’re irresistible and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.</em></p><p> </p><p>“I think I’m demisexual.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>“It means-”</p><p> </p><p>“I know what it means.” It’s an obscure label but Jack’s got two of those for himself.</p><p> </p><p>Sadly, it does not mean Ianto likes boys in a romantic way. He still could, but no guarantee. It’s an incredibly selfish thought on Jack’s part but Jack is an incredibly selfish person sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>Jack had never really had to come out because he was so<em> himself</em> that anyone who couldn’t pick up on his queerness wasn’t someone Jack was interested in spending time with. But he’d read once that you were supposed to match the energy of the person coming out. </p><p> </p><p>Ianto looks...well, he looks like Ianto. Constantly walking the line between no emotions and all of them at once. But Jack thinks he might be feeling a bit nervous but not like he was going to throw up or jump out of his skin.</p><p> </p><p>Reaching across the table, Jack takes one of Ianto’s hands in his and squeezes slightly. “Thanks for telling me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ianto smiles.</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>“I have a crush on Ianto.” Jack admits in between movies one Friday night at Gwen’s house because Ianto just left to go to his cousin’s birthday party.</p><p> </p><p>“Again?” Owen asks, exasperated.</p><p> </p><p><em>“Again?”</em> Gwen asks, having not been around for the first time.</p><p> </p><p>Tosh pats him consolingly on the back. “I know.”</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes Jack thinks she can read minds. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, did we never tell you about his crush on Ianto last year? It was awful for all of us, except teaboy, who had no idea.” Owen grins at Gwen, sensing an opportunity to make fun of Jack. “Once Ianto hugged him and he burst into tears.”</p><p> </p><p>“That was a very emotional time for me.” Jack excuses.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen sighs. “I’ll go put the kettle on. I think there’s some ice cream in the freezer too…”</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Welshman</strong>
</p><p>This is Ianto.</p><p> </p><p>From school.</p><p> </p><p>Thx for the clarification i was super confused</p><p> </p><p>Gosh Suzie was right, I’m already regretting this.</p><p>2 late theres no ging back now youre mine</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>The first crush was bad. The second is bad in different ways.</p><p> </p><p>Jack had learned how to handle the feelings, the hugs, the casual declarations of love, the jealousy when Ianto talked about Lisa.</p><p> </p><p>This time there is no Lisa, but there is more touching and intimacy and his family treating Ianto like he belongs with them. There’s a knowledge that Ianto is not heterosexual and ships Destiel and would chose to kiss Jack out of all their friend group (thank you truth or dare).</p><p> </p><p>This time Ianto occasionally references the time when Jack had liked him before because it’s an in-joke between them that is no longer history.</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Welshman</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Are you doing anything tonight?</p><p> </p><p>nope</p><p>Could I come over for a little while?</p><p>Im sorry but mom and dad dont like having people over</p><p>for a couple days after one of gray’s </p><p>treatments because of his immune system</p><p>That makes sense.</p><p>Is something the matter?</p><p>No.</p><p>Just my dad’s in a bad mood and mum is visiting Rhiannon right now.</p><p>Probably better that I don’t leave anyway, Myfanway is extra talkative today and dad hates it when she’s loud.</p><p>Im sorry</p><p>Wanna call?</p><p>Sure.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Call ended 2:39:52</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>“Ianto hasn’t been over in awhile.” His mom mentions casually one night while they’re doing the dishes after dinner. </p><p> </p><p>Jack shrugs, keeping his gaze on the bowl she’d just handed him to dry. “He’s busy. School and stuff. Lisa.” </p><p> </p><p>She <em>hmm</em>s. “Alright.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright?” He looks up, surprised. Jack had been expecting her to push more.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright.” She confirms. “It makes sense. Dating someone takes up time and energy, of course he wouldn’t be around as much. Not that you would know that.”</p><p> </p><p>Scoffing, Jack bumps her with his elbow in a playfully mad way. “I’ve dated before!”</p><p> </p><p>“Making out with people regularly doesn't count, Jack Harkness! Nor does declaring yourself boyfriends with John Smith when you were ten.”</p><p> </p><p>They’d actually gotten married on the playground during recess with Rose as their officiant but he’s not about to bring that up. “It’s not my fault all the people I fall for are uninterested in me long term.”</p><p> </p><p>It comes out a little more sad that he means for it to. His mom gives him a<em> look,</em> which she learned from the therapist the whole family started seeing twice a month between Gray’s diagnosis and Jack failing a year of school.</p><p> </p><p>Before she can try to get him to talk about his feelings, Jack reaches over and turns up the volume on the CD player sitting next to the sink. It was one of his mom’s old George </p><p>Straight disks, not his favorite, but still better than talking.</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>“Why the hell did you make me listen to that?” Jack asks, demands, sobs.</p><p> </p><p>Not actually sobs. It’s a near thing though. There might be a few tears in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>They sit on the floor of Ianto’s room, a card game Jack had long ago lost interest in between them, Myfanway jumping around trying to sabotage them. Until a minute ago Ianto’s phone had been playing a musical about queer space fairy tales that had a <em>horribly tragic ending.</em> </p><p> </p><p>“Because they’re really good and also I need someone else to share my pain with.” Ianto replies, laying down a few cards that possibly means he wins the game. “Also I’m secretly evil.”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn right you’re evil.” Throwing down his card, Jack falls dramatically back onto the floor. Or at least he tries to. Forgetting that Ianto’s room is a lot smaller than his, Jack hits his head on the bed frame on his way down. “Ow!”</p><p> </p><p>Ianto appears above him. “Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Physically? No, that hurt. Mentally, also no. That was bloody traumatizing.” </p><p> </p><p>“There’s three more full length albums, plus two collections of short story songs that include backstories for the main crew.” Ianto smiles. “And all of them end in a similar way.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright fine. But I’m going to need ice cream as compensation for emotional trauma.” Jack tells him, sitting up to lean against the bed. </p><p> </p><p><em>The things I do for love,</em> he thinks fondly to himself. Freezes.</p><p> </p><p>“Deal.” Ianto says, and goes to get the ice cream.</p><p> </p><p><em>Love</em>, Jack thinks. <em>I love Ianto. Not platonically, not anymore. Romantically.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I love Ianto Jones in a romantic way. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“”Fuck.”</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>“So how’d you get into knitting?” </p><p> </p><p>Jack pauses looking through the shelves for the color of yarn he needed for the scarf he was planning on making for Tosh. Considers. “My grandma taught me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ianto looks at him like<em> keep going, there’s more.</em> Jack is helpless to resist him even though barring his soul in a store that sells yarn and catters mostly to retired old women is not the top of his to do list.</p><p> </p><p>“She used to watch me after school, me and Gray, when we lived in Florida. Before our parents got off work. She taught me to make simple things. As I got older and we moved here, I stopped.” Jack sighs, smiles a little bit at the memory.</p><p> </p><p>That was the thing about some memories. They were tied to feelings and sounds and smells. He can’t recall learning to knit without also recalling being ten years old, sitting in his grandparents kitchen and watching her wrinkled hands move and make and create. Little Jack had been fascinated.</p><p> </p><p>“After she died, I tried to pick it back up again. The first thing I ever finished was a hat for Gray. Spiderman colors, because last year that was his favorite superhero.” Now it was Antman. Now he’s got a huge collection of hats from Jack.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, when I look at you, I don’t think <em>there’s a bloke who likes to knit.</em>” Ianto says as they turn towards the checkout area, basket full of yarn and a few other things Jack liked the look of. </p><p> </p><p>Jack smirks at him. “I’m just full of surprises.”</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>Used to be, when Jack thought about love, he thought about his parents.</p><p> </p><p>They’d met when his dad, originally from Scotland, went to the United States for university. He’d met his mom in Florida and there they’d lived and married and had two kids until they moved to Wales because his dad had been offered a really good teaching position here.</p><p> </p><p>He’d think about all they’d been through together (three parent’s deaths, two children, one with cancer, several different countries) and how happy they still were. How the two of them still managed moments together, dancing in the kitchen to Mom’s awful old country songs or reading on the couch with her legs propped up in his lap.</p><p> </p><p>Used to be, when Jack thought about home he thought about a tiny little wooden house a short walk from the beach. He’d think about warm summer ocean water splashing against his legs and sand everywhere. As it got older, home became a larger house with his own room that rang with laughter and music always.</p><p> </p><p>Now though. Now love was little gifts and quiet chuckles. Now love was links to songs or poems or stories or videos that would make Jack <em>feel things.</em></p><p> </p><p>Now home is a warm body pressed against him as they sleep, a knee bumping his during lunch. It’s any room Ianto is in, any place the memory of Ianto lingers.</p><p> </p><p>Jack Harkness wanted to be friends with Ianto Jones, and then more, and then for a while he was satisfied. </p><p> </p><p>He’s not satisfied anymore. Now he wants <em>everything. </em></p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>Jack's hands are trembling so much he hits the wrong contact at first. The line rings, then "Lucky Star Chinese, how can I help you?"</p><p> </p><p>"Wrong number." Jack chokes and hangs up.</p><p> </p><p>Try again. Ring, ring, ring. "Hello?"</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Ianto."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>That's it, just his name. That's all Jack can manage.</p><p> </p><p>"Jack? What's the matter?"</p><p> </p><p>"Gray." Jack wets his lips and swallows hard. "He fell."</p><p> </p><p>Ianto inhales. "Is he hurt?"</p><p> </p><p>Jack nods. But of course Ianto can't see that. "I'm at the hospital. It's cold in this room, Ianto. I didn't grab my jacket."</p><p> </p><p>His friend starts to say something else but then the doors open to admit his parents, still in all their finery. </p><p> </p><p>"I gotta go." He ends the call.</p><p> </p><p>Jack doesn't like hospitals. He didn't used to mind them but after so many days and nights camped out on uncomfortable seats, eating crappy food and waiting he's developed a deep hatred of the chemical smell of them and the constant noise.</p><p> </p><p>They assume their normal positions. Mom pacing, Dad the calm in the storm. Normally Jack would be chattering away, bouncing his leg, making up games, playing on his phone. But right now all he can do is sit and stare at the wall while the night's events play on repeat in his head.</p><p> </p><p>When the door opens again, Jack doesn't look up. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, Ianto." Mom says.</p><p> </p><p>Jack looks up, sure he'd misheard her. But no. There Ianto Jones stands, glorious in his black jacket and converse. He gives Mom a small smile. "Jack called." He crosses the room and sits next to Jack. </p><p> </p><p>"What are you doing here?" Jack whispers. He doesn't mean to whisper.</p><p> </p><p>"You called." Ianto repeats and takes off his jacket to drape it around Jack. </p><p> </p><p>It holds Ianto's body heat and Jack sighs, nessleing closer to his friend. "You didn't have to come."</p><p> </p><p>"I did." Ianto wraps his arm around Jack and strokes his hair a bit. It feels really good. "What happened?"</p><p> </p><p>He's already told the story twice, to the 111 operator and then his parents. Telling Ianto is the easiest yet.</p><p> </p><p>"I was supposed to be watching him. Just for the evening. I was supposed to<em> watch him</em>. But I went upstairs to...and then he...oh Ianto, there was so much blood." Jack pushes closer into the warm embrace and Ianto holds him tighter. "He was trying to reach the cereal I hid from him. <em>Cereal</em> for <em>dinner</em>. Oh God it's all my fault" </p><p> </p><p>Ianto runs his hand over Jack's hair again. "Oh no, no it wasn't. Hey Jack, listen to me. It<em> wasn't</em> your fault." </p><p> </p><p>Jack almost believes him. "Thank you for coming."</p><p> </p><p>"Of course I came. I love you."</p><p> </p><p>"Love you too."</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>He laughs. "You're pulling my leg."</p><p> </p><p>"Cross my heart." Jack makes the gesture. "I swear to you."</p><p> </p><p>Ianto sniffs, blowing his nose again but now he's smiling, just a bit. "How did I never notice? That's embarrassing."</p><p> </p><p>Jack's wondered the same thing many times. "You're just oblivious, I guess. Or you think too little of yourself. Whatever. It's all in the past now and the point was that you're a very lovable person. You'll find someone, someday."</p><p> </p><p>Looking unconvinced but no longer sobbing over his broken heart, Ianto nods. "Okay. But Jack? Promise me one thing."</p><p> </p><p><em>Anything.</em> "Anything."</p><p> </p><p>"If you ever crush on me again, mention it?"</p><p> </p><p>Jack agrees, even though his heart has always had a one and done policy. He's not going to catch feelings for Ianto again.</p><p> </p><p>(line break)</p><p> </p><p>"Well that was a bloody lie." Ianto says, annoyed. He closes the novel he'd been reading, some dusty old mystery he'd bought cheap from a sale, and tosses it onto the bed.</p><p> </p><p>Jack looks up from his own book about a sassy bisexual passifist attempting to end war in a magical world and smiles at the look on Ianto's face. "What?"</p><p> </p><p>Ianto launches into a rant about the female fatale of the story, voice raising steadily as he gets more and more annoyed at the plot of the story and poor writing. All the while Jack is only half paying attention, the rest of his mind hyper focused on Ianto's eyelashes, how handsome he was, the way his lips moved…</p><p> </p><p>Seeing that Jack is no longer following his words, Ianto snaps his fingers. "Hey. Whatcha thinking about?"</p><p> </p><p>"How much I love you." Jack says honestly, a sudden burst of bravery coming from nowhere and pulling the words from his throat.</p><p> </p><p>Ianto rolls his eyes fondly. "Love you too. But Lady Ser-"</p><p> </p><p>"No. Seriously." This is a terrible idea but there's a dam inside of him that's broken. "I'm in love with you." Jack says.</p><p> </p><p>Ianto laughs. "No you're not."</p><p> </p><p>He goes to stand up, turning away from Jack but Jack reaches forward and grabs his sleeve, pulling him back.</p><p> </p><p>His friend's eyes are wide and confused. "Jack, what-"</p><p> </p><p>"Please listen to me." He's got Ianto's attention now and while Jack's never been one to why away from the spotlight, there's a horrible storm going on in his stomach at the moment. "I love you, not like I love Owen or Tosh or Gwen. I love you like I want to be with you always. Everything I see I want to share with you. I want to kiss you deeply and take you on walks and watch the sunset together. Ianto Jones, I am fully and deeply in love with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jack-” Ianto’s voice breaks.</p><p> </p><p>He reaches up to press a finger against Ianto’s lips. “Please let me get this out. I adore everything about you. I know I promised to tell you if I felt this way about you again and I’m sorry I didn’t. And I know you don’t like me in the same way but I just can’t live like this anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s an abrupt realization but a true one. Jack thought he could do this again but he can’t because Ianto is his best friend and he hates lying, hates hiding, hates looking but not being able to have.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-” Ianto starts but Jack pushes his finger harder to shut him up.</p><p> </p><p>“I think we should take a break. Just for a little bit, until I get over it. And I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Uncomfortable like all the others, pulling away from him, accusing glances at every move. “You-”</p><p> </p><p>He doesn't get to finish his sentence because Ianto knocks his arm out of the way and presses their mouths together.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not the perfect fairy tale kiss Jack had imagined sometimes. It’s messy and sudden and<em> perfect,</em> bumping together awkwardly and teeth clicking and Jack accidentally bites Ianto’s lip.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” Jack breathes when they part.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Ianto murmurs. “I...I think I like you too? I’m still trying to figure it all out.”The tiniest bit of hope begins to flower in Jack’s chest. “My sexualty and how I feel about sex and kissing and all of it. If you really want to stop being friends-”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t.” In fact the idea is less appealing than swallowing glass, Jack has no idea why he suggested it at all.</p><p> </p><p>‘-then we can give each other space. Or…”</p><p> </p><p>“Or?”</p><p> </p><p>“Or we could try this out.” Ianto waves a hand between them. “Figure it out together. Try going on a date…?”</p><p> </p><p>Jack smiles, feeling like he could fly. “Absolutely. We could start with-” He places a hand on Ianto’s cheek and leans in again, letting his eyes fall shut-</p><p> </p><p>“Pretty girl!” Myfanway squawks in her cage, flapping her wings and startling the hell out of both of them. “Pretty girl!” It’s her name for Jack.</p><p> </p><p>They both burst out laughing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Originally was supposed to be much more angsty but I'm bad at making my characters sad. The band Ianto has Jack listen to is the Mechanisms and the book Jack is reading at the end is In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brenan.</p><p>Edit: I've fixed the errors with the italics and the formatting for the text conversations. </p><p>Remember, comments feed authors and if you want, find me at the same name on tumblr.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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